there i go again...

i thought of some pretty good words last night but of course i can't remember them now. i am in class looking at all the people on the computer. staring away bored and restless. its all coming down to these final weeks of class and everyone is procrastinating. ah the research paper. theres a boy laughing in the corner. this isn't funny. his laughter gives him away. he is doing nothing today. its 8:48 and im nearly out of here. i am thirsty and somewhat tired. i just became self aware.

its december my year is about to start.
i'll be 21 in 4 months and twenty days.
how things change.
i don't think ill ever be alone
unless i do it on purpose.
too bad i couldn't have gone on one last road trip before i leave
i wonder if the world will miss me
it will go on

my stomach hurts now from the omelette i made. i should have changed my clothes.
i wonder if my joy is still sleeping

the tables of this room remind me of weird gnome houses. the have a large circular base with a little door on one side. The roof makes it look like a big mushroom with a flat top.
i ought to be doing my project right now, but im not.

burn me with my records.

thats fate thats fate theres happiness in death.

i think i've seen the future tonight
i don't know about those guys sometimes
i am tired and i've got to get up early and i never wrote my paper which is a bad idea
i don't know if i can go to school next semester
and i might try to move out but i don't know if i can afford it wit ha dui . michele didn't fight so that was nice her friend was kind of annoying and that was bad because everyone else noticed that too. she just talked about herself a lot which is never that awesome. a certain extent is okay but it just seemed like she make this point of explaining counterpoints. i lilke writing with my eyes close and i just type mostly whatever comes to my head. i try not to delete it but i find it would never be legible if i didnt backspace. i think i'm just going to go to bed for now before it gets later.

bbut first
Coronado
wow it was fun but not the same. i didn't expect it to be the same but it wasn't nearly as fun as in previous visits. i think its all this drinking its just not as fun anymore. its kind of a hassle i'd rather just have a cocktail with michelle and enjoy her company. maybe throw on a record. i am looking forward to my bed. i hope i can move out and we can make it. everything tells me to just go for it, but i worry so much about everything. i kind of have reason to, but i think it could really work, just money will be beyond tight. but alas goodnight,

my hands are no longer connected to my arms
and my heads no closer to my chest
i'm really enjoying this music right now
its bed time
goodnight

i think its time for a bike ride
something to clear my mind
we talked this through
i wanna say i love you
but its too soon
i've got these ideas baby
our life will be a movie
only i can't put placement on the characters
and i'm too scared to think the plot
as soon as it's thought
it's forgot
i'll leave those to dreams
fuzzy love scenes.

livejournal is a dying breed.


more days more words
unspoken
never heard

i surprised michelle with roses today.
a nice little gift waiting for her at her car
when she got out of school.
she makes me really happy

finally hooked up the record player in my room and bought a couple of records
i am damn tired right now tho.

got myself a dui

now i've officially made it.

this'll be a year.

sitting cold in my boxer shorts and an undershirt waiting for it to be time to put on work clothes and drudge off.


its one of those days where i really feel like doing anything is meaningless. i just got back from vacation and now that its all over i can't be excited about life. i've got nothing to look forward to really.


time for food and a cigarette.

i just wrote an essay,
it was for school so it was utterly useless and thirty other people wrote one just like me.
I am almost done with my book.
just got home from being up in Rhonert Park and San Francisco.
its weird now that my sister doesn't live there. The city has no relation to me anymore.
i told people i was a traveller and on my way to alaska just to make friends. Maybe it will inspire someone to actually do something. maybe it will inspire me. i thought my mom died on her birthday, just oddities i'd care not to explain plus i wasn't there so i don't know, but it did upset me though. and no ones said anything since i've been home so yeah.

i need to eat and get my money or maybe sleep or maybe read.

i fell down again but i can't complain.




open your eyes
open your eyes

a lot of stomach and headaches.

ate a half pound of bacon.

that can't help.

im sun baked
over my headache
hairs in my eye
its lookin light
im not looking for a fight
but i don't know what to say
when you act this way
and days quickly turning to night
i just want to smile
i'm not far from it

she can be so difficult sometimes
i can tell some times she hates what i like
no thats a little much
it just seem thats such
she pulled the pavement up
and i miss stepped
i just want to do everything for you
........

i read her mind the other day
i knew exactly what she'd say
but she said it in her head
slightly out there.

..................

girls don't like good guys
girls never say how they feel
girls won't accept their loved
girls girls girls
honestly the absolute worst and best things in my life
you'll never feel the pain or happiness that you get from a girl
its sorry easy for you to make me smile ear to ear or to shed tears
maybe i'm a creep
maybe i'm a weirdo

i'll be the best guy you'll ever meet

this time of year
feels weird to me
it brings back a lot of memories
looks like its just me tonight.

tonight is one of those nights where you're not trying to die but if it happened it wouldn't be so bad.

i love the sound of a looping piano
i am glad its barely one
its pretty much my day off


i'm going out.

all this school and work is a bummer.........
i just wanna get drunk and hang out with my girlfriend.

i wanna do something fun right now, but its nearly 11 and i've got school at 7.
its all just a bunch of bitchingggggggg

too many g's .

spell check is goin wild
i don't remember but i might have to write a paper by tomorrow morning too. fuck.

so i was thinking about the times i'm happiest these are the first few that came to mind
smoking a bowl by myself to then listen to a new cd for the first time
getting drunk with my friends playing board games
a good surf session
drinking a beer before surfing on a day off at 11:58 am

ha....
what a list.

i could totally spout a bunch of poetic shit right now
but today the world is not art

man, i don't know what's goin on, or whats gonna happen
or what i should, or want rather, to do.

cheers world!

i've had a lot of realistic dreams lately
so many that i often can't remember what actually happened
i keep thinking about what i did yesterday, but what i did yesterday is not what i think i did.
it wasn't the smartest idea to smoke when riding my bike
my hair has gotten long and blonde
and elliott smith just seemed like the best choice right now.
i'm not sad though, a little bored
contemplating vodka or beer
probably whatever would go best with a bagel
it has gotten late too quickly

i just want someone to talk to me right now
i won't have any response and i won't say
shit

but i always feel like people are just talking to me
and i don't mind
i like your time


i want a suit...